Hello - Sorry I've not been able to do my final blog for a while as my computer at home caught a virus the first time I plugged it in. I've been home for a month now and have spent much of my time catching up with everyone and sorting out my flat. Things are familiar and yet, and yet...... there has been a shift of perspective which makes everything different. It is more than just culture shock I think.
Anyway, before dealing with that, I have managed to pick out a few extra photos for perusal at your leisure. It was incredibly hard to limit the lion photos; they really are photogenic little furballs. It has been good to look at my photos and remind myself I really went to these places and did all these things, as there have been recent moments when I've doubted that it was real. But real it was, and a fantastic experience. If you want to have a look at my Top 100 photos (well, there were 215 after the last edit, I was never good with numbers) then here is the link. http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/lynneinafrica/Top100
As most of you know, I'm currently a lady of leisure, lunching my way around Edinburgh. In the absence of a good lottery win this situation can't continue for much longer so I'm looking at a few potential opportunities for gainful employment as the mortgage still needs to be paid and the cats fed. It has been hard coming back to the mad consumer frenzy of Christmas and mostly I've stayed away from other expenditure as I can't cope with the crowds or the unnecessary expense. It is also a challenge not to get sucked back into things, and to hang on to the dream, but I'm determined to find a different way forward. It has been absolutely wonderful to see all my family and friends again, but I feel such a sense of longing for the way of life in Africa. It is hard to explain but once Africa is under your skin, you are hooked. My time there was in many ways a privileged existence; the further I was away from being a tourist, the more I enjoyed it - learning about different cultures, being able to make a positive contribution, visiting lots of countries and different areas and making friends across the continent.
It goes without saying that it has been a huge, learning, life-changing experience. I have learned that I can teach, how to build a house with kinesa (reed bundles),to live in the most basic conditions quite happily; that I am more of a people person than I thought, that I can make myself do things that I find revolting (like chop up dead cows and hold a huge furry spider). I've learned what it feels like to be the recipient of a gift from someone who has almost nothing, and to feel the combined pleasure and discomfort of giving something so unimportant to me which means so much to someone else; to hold a child that I know in a year or so will be dead from AIDS, to be so uncomfortably aware of my own relative enormous wealth that I would gladly give it all up and then to feel so afraid of walking away from the security of it all that I feel ashamed. I've learned that I can make a difference to some people's lives and I can continue to do that but that I can't rescue everyone and that I have to accept that there is much that I can't change. I've learned that love, generosity, kindness and compassion are the greatest pleasures to give and receive and even though we all know that in principle, the last year, both at home and in Africa, has really made me feel the truth of this, and enables me to say I don't want to go back into the craziness that I left at the end of 2006. Even if I do end up getting a job back in private practice, it is certainly not going to be the same life as before. I have decided that fear of the unkown is not going to make the decision for me.
I have really enjoyed doing the blog, and am quite sad that this is the end - it has been quite therapeutic, and has reminded me of how much I enjoy writing, which is something I've done since I was a small child. I hope it has been a good read and that I have not focussed too much on the negative aspects of life in Africa. I hope the fun, joy and kindnesses I have experienced have been evident also.
My current situation is both exciting and scary in so many ways; my new motto is "Change is good"!
Thank you for being part of this journey with me, and for being such a fantastic group of friends. I couldn't ask for any more.
Lynne
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