19.05.07 Looking back...

I've been in Vilanculos for a few days now. Zimbabwe and the lions seem far away and I've just had a look at the pics on my blog to remind myself about lion love. It really was an amazing privilege to be involved with these fantastic animals. Don't be too deceived by the fact that you see pics that are up close and personal. There is a handler nearby, probably behind the picture taker, distracting the lion from a friendly chew of a stray limb. They were used to people, but in no way tame.

The days at AP were rhythmic and structured. I got up at 6am for the first lion walk at 6.30. It could have been any one of 5 sets of cubs - from the 3 month olds, to the 1 year olds. You get back from the morning walk at 8ish, breakfast was 8.30 and then the morning work session started at 9.30. In that session you could be cub sitting the 3 and 4 month olds, playing and feeding them, or enclosure cleaning the walking and hunting cubs or the big grown ups at the breeding programme, or painting poles, walking in the bush doing a snare sweep or a boundary patrol. There were things I liked better than others, but I was reasonably mellow about doing everything. The morning session ended at 12.30, lunch was at 1, and then the afternoon session started at 2.15. You would do similar things to the morning session. Afternoon cub walks were at 4 to 5.30, brought forward as it started getting to dark to be out with cubs until 6. Not much changed this except torrential rain and thunderstorms, which there was for a couple of unseasonal weeks in April.

Sometimes you got to do other things, such as an orphanage visit, or the SCUD day (social and cultural understanding), or play games, or, on a v rare occasion, do a cub sit with the bigger walking cubs, which everyone loved.

I didn't really enjoy camp life - it was like a holiday camp in the bush, except you were stuck there, and communication was a rip off. Strangely, on the one hand it was all too comfortable with too much food and facilities (which I found particularly difficult in Zim) and on the other hand, it was not really run as a place where people came to enjoy themselves. The management style is perhaps a peculiar combination of white Zim culture (bullying, intimidation, threatening) and lip service (at least) to animal welfare and conservation ideals. The lions are not at all mistreated, in fact they are mostly pampered and spoilt, and I did support the aims of the project, but the evangelical zeal that those working there had about the programme reminded me slightly of cult indoctrination. If it works I'll be as happy as anyone, but I'm not sure about some aspects of the current programme - such as all the lions are that are at the breeding programme, some of whom are in small enclosures, and the fact that no effort is made to ensure that the vols behaviour with the cubs is as it should be (which is very important to the cubs' likely length of walking life vs time stuck in an enclosure). Some of the cubs' enclosures were far too small and stank of pee. And despite being lectured by someone who knows less about horses than I do on the life and times of the African tick, I wasn't convinced that the horses were properly cared for (due to lack of funds, not at all from want of trying from those who worked at the stables). There were several others there who shared these concerns but there was not an atmosphere where you could raise concerns and be listened to so few tried.

As for the way the staff were treated, well, I could go on for a long time! I wrote in a previous entry that the $8per hour of the internet was half a monthly salary of a lion handler, but by the time i left it was probably more than the monthly salary. I don't expect it is much different across Zim, and for all I know AP could be a model employer, but I seriously doubt it. It just seems to me that to treat people in the way that they are treated at AP completely undermines the aims that are espoused at the Livingstone project. Most staff members had to walk hours to work. Some got transport from town, sometimes there was transport to/from the main gate (4km from camp) but for most neither of these options was available. Very few staff members were allowed to eat with the vols and clients. It is a nonsense - we spend all day with the lion handlers and then they have to go and eat sadza (the local name for the African staple maize mush) and beans in a courtyard and are not allowed to sit in the dining area. The vols had to let clients go in front of them in the food queue so every meal time we would have ridiculous conversations telling people to go in front of us, they wouldn't want to do so, and some interfering busy body project manager would bawl over for the vols to let the clients go in front. it was all so embarrassing and boarding-school-esque. maybe that's where the managers get it from. They were not exactly Mr and Mrs Compassion.

I think that the man who started this lion project is an inspirational person who clearly has a vision for African conservation. But as ever, it comes down to implementation, and from the perspective of a volunteer, it is, at the moment, not a great experience if you do not numb your brain with large quantities of alcohol every night. Apparently there used to be many fewer vols, but as the penny dropped about how much people would pay to come and work with lions, the capacity increased dramatically. There were far too many vols there. Ten people on a vol lion walk is a pointless experience and often is disruptive to the lions behaviour. Sometimes you got the feeling they were looking for things for people to do, especially if the paint for pole-painting ran out. Generally, the vols experience there is about making money for the project. I did overhear the owner telling his accountant that vols were an integral part of the project as he walked round the new 26 vol capacity accommodation block. Yes of course we are. We pay GPB 2 - 3K a month!

There was also a real drinking culture, supported in no small measure by the volunteer project managers who often buy the alcohol for the vols, but then are supposed to discipline them when the drinking gets out of hand. Needless to say, as they were participating in the drinking, it didn't happen like that. While I was there 3 vols were kicked out for drink related "offences". For 2, it was a blatant over-reaction to a silly prank, with the camp managers using a previous instance relating to staff discipline to claim "equality" of treatment between blacks and whites. If you read this - it was about equal treatment of staff, not equal treatment of staff and vols. Their wilful and malicious misinterpretation of the principle was probably a deliberate kick in the teeth to the vols who had recently complained about unequal treatment between 2 staff members, and unfortunately 2 nice young lads suffered for it. The other lad that was kicked out was a rather silly American boy who didn't know how to handle his drink, but rather than try to nip the problem in the bud, booze was regularly bought for him, the culture encouraged until it all got out of hand.

There is loads more I could add but I've probably raised many of the issues previously. I learned that the only way I could enjoy the lion experience was to switch off from the rest of it while I was with the lions - to compartmentalise the parts of the experience that I loved, but not, definitely not to ignore the rest. I think this only clicked with me in the second month I was there, so maybe it was a good thing that I stayed for 8 weeks. I did have some fantastic times with the cubs, and I never got over the feeling of wonder that I had about playing with a lion cub. The 3Ms and 3ACs were my favourites, although having favourites is a bit random really.

As always, leaving was awful. I thought I wouldn't be sentimental about leaving the lions but it is like reading some chapters in a book, and then having to leave it behind and not know the ending. Of course the worst part was saying goodbye to the special friends I made there and the thought of not seeing some of these people again is not something I can accept. I have promised to go back and see them before I leave Africa. I think my journey home is going to be a crazy zigzag across southern Africa! If my new Mozambique phone would work I should be able to be in contact, but this is Africa, and nothing goes as planned.

Anyway, that's enough for the moment. I have now moved on, and there are new experiences to be had. I'll update you on life in Vilanculos next week.

Stay well everyone.

15.05.07 Safe Arrival

Just to let you know I've arrived safely in Vilanculos. I'm staying in a tent in the garden of Jaco and Maria, in a huge tent overlooking a lake. I'll put some photos and further updates on later but just wanted to let you know all is well.

13.05.07 There is no such thing as too much cub love

More cub pictures and a few others as well.

This is Lina again, learning to use her paws and claws on food rather than volunteers.

This is Amandla. When he wants a cuddle, he wants a cuddle.

This is Chando, having a snooze. Gorgeous boy.
Msasa on the left and Masai on the right, sound asleep after we'd been playing with rakes and toys I made from long grass.
This is Chando and I chilling in the sun.

This is the 3Ms again. In my hand is a dead bush I'd pulled up to use as a cub toy but they weren't that interested....

.... until I dropped it.

This is Chaka, another teddy bear masquerading as a lion.


Me and Abby, who was my roomie for my last month at AP. She is wonderful, but even more untidy than I am so you can imagine what our tiny box looked like.

The guys are the lion handlers and in the front row are Kirsty (L) and Emma (R) - 2 v nice young vols.


Amandla and I again, although he was a bit fed up of posing by this time.

Don't ask why this pic has come up twice, but I can't delete it. At least its a nice one.

13.05.07 Cub Love (with pics)

Here is a selection of cub photos. I have hundreds and hundreds, but I don't want to bore you silly, so there are just a few cute ones.

This first one is of Chando, one of the 3ACs. He looks like he's concentrating fiercely and is about to pounce on something, but actually he just sat down and stared into space. He vies for first place in my cub top 3.
This photo is of one of the 5Ls - a litter of 5 all of whose name begins with L, after their mother Lulu. It makes me smile as he was posing nicely and then just moved at the last minute. Its such a cute wee chin though.
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This is sunrise about 2 weeks ago, taken from one of the bridges that cross the lake next to camp.








This is with an unidentifiable member of the 5Ls litter, I think its Lisha, but I can't tell from the photo. One of the ostriches in camp committed suicide in front of a truck so we used some feathers as cub toys.






This is a photo of one of the A-frames where guests stay, taken from across the lake.

This is Anne and I with the 2Ls. They would have been 11 months in this photo.
This is Msasa, one of the 3Ms. She was 3 1/2 months old in this. Msasa and her brother Masai like to sleep with their heads in the water bowl. They now have a new big square water bowl, which they still use as a head prop.

This is Lina, one of the 5Ls. Looks like butter wouldn't melt, but she's clever and has a bit of a temper. Most of my scratches and bruises were from Lina and her siblings. Its not so bad when a 2 or 3 month old nips you I suppose.
This was a python we found out on a lion walk last week. It was about 3 1/2 meters long. As you can see, I wasn't massively keen on getting up close and personal.


These are the 2Ls, brothers. Ltalo is on the left and Landela on the right, and its just before their first birthday.

This is Amandla, one of the camps resident teddy bears. He's a fantastic character, really cuddly and affectionate. He's one of the 3ACs - my favourite group of cubs, same as Chando, and also in my top 3. He's just over 7 months in this photo.

The 3Ms were just over 3 months old in this photo, which is one of my favourites out of the hundreds that I took. L to R is Msasa, Mana and Masai. One of the highlights of my time at AP has been seeing these cubs go from being very skittish and hissy to being quite playful and affectionate, and looking like they might be good walkers. Masai, the only boy in the litter, is the best looking cub in the park, and by far my most photographed lion. He's a little sweetie, and sometimes falls asleep with his head on my lap. Masia is the other contender in my top 3 - partly on looks, partly personality. Other times he will be quite cheeky, and sneak up behind you and give you a nip. He liked my hair and on a few occasions I had to pull a chunk of hair out of his mouth before I got an unplanned haircut. One of the best ways of playing with these guys is to take a garden rake or shovel and drag it along the grass. They go nuts and jump on the rake and you are then dragging them along too. They also had a thing about the hose pipes and sprinkler heads so we had great fun turning the water on and off while the poor cubs tried to figure out what was going on.

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13.05.07 (Family and) Friends Reunited

I'm so excited. I am in Maputo, found a hotel no problem, and for something under US$61 in total, I get a bed, taken to and from the airport, and free, yes FREEEEEEE, internet access. All day, and all night! My flight landed at noon, after an hour's delay for visa and customs I got here at 1:34, and at 1:44 I am logged on. How exciting is this! Its good really, as I can't change any money as its Sunday, so I can't really do anything or go anywhere, but at least I can keep myself entertained. I was so keen to get to the computer that I forgot to take my boots off when I got to my room, so they are now tucked underneath my desk. I hope no-one else comes in here.

Anyway, here's my plan. Rather than do a long blog entry, which would no doubt attract the usual "epic" comments, I'm going to divide things up a little with (hopefully) indicative titles to each entry. And yes, there will be lion pics coming, and lots of lion chat.

I'll also try to answer the enormous backlog of emails but it will no doubt take a while, so forgive me if I take a few hours off to sleep this evening.

Before I go and grab my camera (also forgotten in my haste and excitement) I'll just add that I'm fine, have no current injuries or ailments apart from the blisters on my fingers from forcing my suitcase zip shut, and am excited (Dinah, who does this remind you of??) to be on the next leg of my journey.

Back shortly.

25.04.07 An Update from Zim

I do hope this works, as for some reason my blog has come up in Afrikaans. I think I remember where everything is, but if this is gobbledigook I apologise.

This will probably be my last post from Zim, but I finally have my plans sorted for going on, so I thought I'd let you know. Yes, yes, I know I had my plans sorted before I left, but plans change! I will be staying at Antelope Park til 12 May. That will make 2 full months, which is longer than I thought I could last, but now that I have my onward travel plans sorted I feel much more relaxed. Anyway this week they haven't chucked out any volunteers or sacked any handlers, so its been good so far. After here I will travel for 3 days to get back to Vilanculos - the town in Mozambique that I went to in March to help after the cyclone. I'm going to stay there for 3 weeks and then go to the South African conservation project on 4 June.

I'm not sure if I can explain coherently why I want to go back to Vilanculos, I just feel it is the place I need to be and I hope that maybe I can do something good there. I'm going back to see if I can work with a missionary I met there - he wants to build an orphanage, well probably more than one, to look after the children who are lost and homeless. Quite a few of you have very kindly offered to raise funds for me, and I will be making a plan for fundraising in May and let you know what I hope to do. I really hope that I can help make a difference. In many ways doing what I'm doing on this trip is quite self-indulgent, especially here at AP. It would be nice to think that by the time I leave Africa I could leave something lasting behind. There is also something more. Just for me personally it feels like a good place to be. The missionary - Jaco - and his family are wonderful people and it just was so nice to be with them. No, I haven't found god, in case you are wondering, and I'm very unlikely to with my cyncial nature, but what I have found is some people who are determined to dedicate their time and energy to making the lives of abandoned children as good as they can be, and it felt good to be part of that. And I think I can contribute something. I will need to learn to speak Portugese though. Maybe A level Latin will come in handy after all.

I am enjoying my time here more now, and I have had some great times with the lions - it really is special when you are sitting having a chat with a big lion cub sprawled across your lap, snoring gently and breathing meaty breath onto you. (You would be amazed what I can now do with meat, but yes, I'm still a veggie.) I also love walking and riding through the bush, as we get very close to the zebras and giraffes. I'm not a big fan of wildebeest at the moment. I have to confess that I fell of a horse when we were charged by wildebeest on the rampage. I'm fine - had a wee bit of concussion for a day or so, but my back is fine. Its amazing what you get used to. I quite like having a toad in my shower now, I almost miss them when they're not there, and I am able to deal reasonably calmly with all sorts of insect life. I can pull all but the biggest, deeply sunk ticks of the lions and horses, and have even calmly extricated myself from a spider's web that I rode into without squeaking once. When we walk in the bush its mostly grass and acacia trees but every so often you come across a random flower which will be stunningly beautiful. There was a gorgeous one the other day, with cream petals and a burgundy centre which was standing about 4 ft high completely on its own.

I don't underestimate this experience at all, but what I struggle with here is that yes conservation in Africa is a huge issue, but there are much bigger ones, and people are more important than animals. At all levels. It was hard to sit by the fire last night, with a sprinkler going on in the background, when the people in town have not had water for 5 days, and there is such a shortage of firewood that they are burning plastic bottles. One of the handlers told me he carried 40litres of water 8 km back to his home, at night after a long day at work - oh, and he get's up at 4.30 so he can walk the 2 hours to get here in the morning. Its a bugger. And this internet - costs me US$8 per hour - a total rip off - which is half the monthly salary of the lion handlers. The prices of everything go up every day or so, but wages only go up every 3 months. Its madness. Anyway, I don't want to go on about that anymore as I need to be mellow for my remaining 2 1/2 weeks.

Hopefully, when I overnight in Maputo I can get some cash (I've run out as I had to pay for my flight in cash, which is why I can't spend another $8 on this) and get to an internet cafe and put on some lion photos.

I hope everyone is well and happy. Keep the emails coming - I promise I'll reply when I get a chance, but it is so good to hear from everyone in the meantime.

07.04.07 Just a quickie...

... to let you all know that I'm safe and well and far from any of the trouble you may be hearing about. Love the leos, love the bush, hate camp life with a passion, miss my kids, miss Livingstone, am taking loads of photos, so anyone who's missing them - just you wait. You've no idea how photogenic lions can be.

HH - you're a marvel - b'day pressie finally caught up with me. Big bro - thanks - need a flight to Jo'burg as its the place you need to be to get to anywhere to - aim for maybe 17/18 April either from Harare or Jo'burgh, Anna & Claire - riding here is awesome and coming back to me and my back is still fine, Mike W - what can I say - send them over and I'll introduce them to some of my furry pals and we'll see what happens, big sis - send me news and photos of France etc, Nickie - all sounds fab, Gary - you're a lost cause - NUNS???? Forgive the lack of personal responses to everyone - you know why!

Oh and can someone from S&W please pass a message to PA saying plans sound good, but don't send anything.

Anyway, love you and miss you all. My plan is to hit an internet cafe somewhere in South Africa and stay there for a day and tell you all about everything. There will be photos of me snogging a lion in there somewhere. It is special - really. Really. I also now have a whole new meaning to zebra crossing.

Til the next time...

25.03.07 Highs and Lows

Hi, and sorry its been so long. I have tried - believe me - but the internet connection here is pretty precarious. Anyway, I'm hoping that this time it will actually work.

Mozambique is now nearly 2 weeks ago. It was an amazing experience and I'm not really sure how to condense it. It took 3 days to drive there, part of which was going through the most amazing electrical storm I've ever seen. When we finally arrived we camped on a beach, at a campsite that had been trashed in the storm, next to a bar that had also been destroyed. Only the pool table was left intact, but all the surrounding walls had fallen down. Needs must, however, and the bar was set up in the dive shop next door. There were 15 of us in total, which included a driver, a cook and a couple of the project managers from African Impact and 11 volunteers. It was incredibly hot - mid 40c during the day. I remember at one point being in a car and thinking it was quite cool then seeing the temp guage said 31c! How strange is that for a Scot!

The work with Unicef/WFP was great to be involved with, and from an objective view it was really interesting to see how aid distribution works on the ground (pretty slowly in this case) and just travelling around with local people to get the outlying villages/islands was fascinating. One day was spent on a truck. On the way out we sat on top of all the food and materials piled on the truck and then on the way back we were on the empty flat bed. Luckily I remembered my factor 40 as otherwise I would have burnt to a crisp. Another night and day was spent on a boat going out to a couple of islands. It was also quite frustrating as at some points hours and days were wasted for really stupid reasons and there wasn't a huge amount we could do about it. The boat trip was a case in point - the boat sat in the harbour for a day, left at 9pm, got stuck on a sandbank for 4 hours, arrived at 5 the following morning, couldn't offload until 8, then it broke down at 9am, didn't get fixed until 11, we didn't get til the next island til 5pm at which point we discovered no-one was expecting us! It was also difficult as English was not widely spoken, and although we sometimes had a translator, quite often they would disappear or just not turn up so we were left to rely on sign language.

It was also amazing to do the drive from Livingstone, across Zim and Mozambique and down the coast road. Zim and Moz are stunningly beautiful countries. The problems are well known, and I don't want to comment from here. On that note, I know there's been trouble in Harare and its been widely reported in the UK. I am so far away from it that I only heard news as someone looked at the BBC website. So don't worry, there's no risk.

I've been here at Antelope Park now for 10 days. There's no getting away from the fact that I don't enjoy the work here nearly as much as Livingstone, and I have struggled to settle down. I hate the fact that we are unable to go into town and are really stuck in this park, and also that the internet is so expensive that it seriously restricts how much I can communicate with the outside world. The other volunteers are largely people I have nothing in common with, but thankfully Anne is here - she's been my roomie since January and we get on brilliantly. Having said that, the work with the lions can be fantastic at times. There are 2 and 3 month old cubs that I spend time with most days. This afternoon I was walking 11 month old cubs - these are big boys. One of them decided to pinch my rucksack and I had absolutely no chance of persuading him to let it go. They are so strong, and they have lots of quite sharp bits. I have managed a bit of riding here, which has been great, and my back has been fine. Anna, can I tell you that I was cantering round in the ring yesterday (we're not allowed to canter in the park) singing an Abba song (as a distraction technique) feeling really good about it coming back to me.

There are lots of other critters here - he park has zebras, giraffes, elephants, loads of different antelopes and two very bad tempered ostriches. There are loads of creepy crawlies and nasty thingies - mostly of the bug type. I got a tick stuck in me for 2 days which was quite unpleasant and grooming the horses mostly consists of tick removal. Yeuch. I am coping with most of the creepy crawlies in the sink, but I did almost slice my leg off when a frog jumped out from the corner of the shower as I was shaving my legs. I am used to it a bit more now and I do check before I go in.

I was chased by one of the ostriches last week. It is quite surreal really. There are moments when I do really enjoy it and think wow (or eek!) but I'm not sure I'll stick it out here for the whole of April. Watch this space.

Best wishes to all.

15.03.07 Back - in body if not in spirit

This is just a quickie to let you all know I'm back from Mozambique, a few shades browner, a few pounds lighter, but safe and well. It was a huge, huge experience - working with Unicef and World Food Programme on food distribution, and building houses for old ladies who had lost everything. I loved it, but it was ... well, very stretching in so many different ways.

The internet here is slow and very very expensive, so I will do a proper update in the next few days after some thought as to how to express myself in shorter form than before, and without sounding like an emotional basket case!!!! I'll try for a couple of photos as well.

I start working with the lion cubs this afternoon. I'm looking forward to it, but its not real life here and I feel a litte ambivalent about it given recent experiences - both Livingstone and Vilanculos. Still, it will be an amazing experience in itself and I will no doubt enjoy it when I get started.

More later. Keep the emails coming.

Miss you all!

Farewell Livingstone, Hello Mozambique???

Those of you who are awake/interested will notice that the next destination has changed. There has been a change of plan but more of that later. Actually, there have been several changes of plan, but I'll summarise. For once!

As I'm a tad short of time, given that this is my last proper day in Livingstone I'm going to do a general admin bit here so skip this para if its boring. Friends and family with the mobile number - it won't work after about 4.30am tomorrow morning (UK time). I won't be contactable for about 2 weeks, but I will be contactable on the Zim house number that Allan has hopefully from 15 March. Also, once I'm back in Zim I am going to get a Zim sim card for my phone if there is sufficient reception to merit it (its US$60 so if reception is dodgy it won't be worth it). I doubt very much I'll be able to email until after 15 March either. In any emergency phone the Zim house number, as I'll be with the people from that project and they should know how to get hold of me, but serious life and death emergencies only until then. If that doesn't work call 002603324072 and ask for Jane.

Also, if you have emailed me, I normally try to email back individually, but I won't be able to do that today - sorry.

I was going to describe my last few days here, but I suspect I should first elaborate on the change of plan. I don't know if you have heard but there was a cyclone that hit the coast of Mozambique last week which has devastated a township where African Impact (the organisation I'm with) has a project similar to this one - its called Vilincoulas, but I'm not sure how you spell it. They knew it was coming and shipped out all their volunteers in advance, and they haven't come back so they have asked for people from the Zambia and Zimbabwe projects to go over and do emergency relief work, partly with UNICEF and partly just on our own. At the moment I should be on my way to Vic Falls airport to fly to Bulawayo and get to the lion project tomorrow, but instead 4 of the volunteers from here will be leaving Livingstone at 5.30 tomorrow morning, going down to Antelope Park to pick up other volunteers from there and then heading off to Mozambique. There will be about 9 or 10 us I think. It will take us about 3 days to get there, we'll be camping on the way, and when we arrive, we'll camp on the beach. What I know so far is that there is masses of clearing work to do, putting up temporary accommodation, food distribution by horseback, and keeping kids out of the way of parents who are trying to do all of these things. Teacher Lynne is not dead yet. There is probably loads more to do but we just won't know until we get there. We are buying supplies today - food mostly, and probably charcoal for cooking on. If anyone wants to make a donation please text me on 0026099173712 in the next 12 hours or so and I'll text you back my bank details and take the money out of the cash point here.

OK, back to my last week in Livingstone. It all started as normal. Monday held lots of marking of homework and the usual English and Maths lessons. My long division is now much improved. On Tuesday we did art. I bought a large piece of card and asked each of the kids to draw around their own hands and write their names inside. It looks fantastic and some of them wrote really cute messages. The best one was "Goodbye Lynne. This hand is going out of Zambia". How good is that!!! On Wednesday we started end of month tests so the wee mites got a bit stressed. I was too as I was trying to arrange a trip for Thursday. The photos have as usual come out in a random order. The last two are from Thursday when I took the kids to the Livingstone water treatment plant (I simply can't get away from it!) as we are studying water contamination and treatment in science. I organised the visit and asked the teacher to hire a bus. You can see what we got instead! It was hysterical packing the kids into it. They sang all the way there and back. The driver took a long route to get there, partly to avoid the worst pot holes in town, and partly to give the kids a ride. Even though it is only a couple of miles from the township where they live, they will probably have not seen this area of Livingstone before. We had a guided tour of the plant, and they got to ask all sorts of daft questions and then I packed them up again. It was quite exhausting herding them all around, and one of them was quite scared when we had to walk along a concrete walkway with no barriers (so was I really) so I had to hold her hand and take baby steps. There weren't many barriers, and they certainly weren't enough to contain 50 11 - 14 year olds so I'm pretty chuffed that I came back with them all safe and dry. They of course loved the whole outing as it was a first for them; it didn't really matter what it was.

Friday was a really tough day. I had to finish off the end of month tests (which Miss M had actually written) until about 10.45. After that they had prepared songs, poems and sketches for me which they did in turn. Lots of the girls sang, some on their own, and others in a group of 5. One of the girls, Mary, has a very striking voice. They also did some poems - these were all standard poems about protection from HIV which was quite strange to hear from such small children. Then there was a group of 7 boys who did a series of sketches. The first one was about 2 men hassling a pregnant woman and a fight broke out; the one after that was about catching a thief and after that I lost the thread of the story. It was classic slapstick - there was lots of punches thrown and rolling about on the floor. They had dressed up and used wet chalk as make-up to paint on beards. I had my camera with me but I just wanted to concentrate on watching them so sorry no photos except the ones in my brain. I really loved it - they had taken the time and effort to think up these things and it felt really special.

Lots of the children had written me little letters to say goodbye, and a few of them gave me presents. I got 7 pairs of earrings and a gorgeous necklace with a heart shaped pendant. These are kids from one of the poorest areas of a poor town. I can't begin to describe how it felt to receive these gifts - honoured, humbled, amazed. Others had done me drawings or gave me the pictures they had made in art class and written messages on them.

Miss M then invited me to say a few words to the class and at that point I really struggled not to cry. I really didn't want to - its sooo unattractive! - but I suspect such displays of emotion are not usual. So I said goodbye, promised I would write and come back to see them in September and then shooed them outside for a group photo, which is the first one you can see. Not all the class were there - Fridays and Mondays tend to have highish absentee rates, but all my favourites were. After the photos there was a mass group hug and I said goodbye to them individually. I said goodbye to all the teachers, and despite the fact they are all child beaters, it was also sad. I had missed my transport home and was about to walk when the brother of one of the teachers passed by and I got a lift 2/3 of the way home.

I look back on my 6 weeks with my class and it really has been one of the most amazing and rewarding things I've done in my life - something I never knew I could do and which has made me feel part of this place, and that I've done something useful and worthwhile. Maybe it has made no difference to most kids; maybe they will forget it. But some of them won't, and seeds will have been planted. Maybe being a teaching assistant is like being an aunt, you get the best bits and can hand them back if they get to be a pain in the butt, but as I ended up teaching solo for about 60% of the time, I'm not sure that is a valid analogy.

All the afternoons this week were spent in the orphanage as I wanted to spend time with the kids there and the community kids. The third and fourth photos are from there on Friday. Masondo is the boy in the yellow football shirt. He's a real toughie, and way behind in his schooling. I read with him sometimes. On Tuesday he grabbed my hand, pulled me down onto a seat and put a text book down on the table and said "I want to read". So we read, and again on Wednesday. He tries so hard, but has such a long way to go. I don't know how old he is; he doesn't either. When the photo was taken he was half strangling me, but it is so nice to have got his confidence and spent time with him. When the little kids are getting a bit much he sometimes comes and shoo's them away - quite protective.

On Thursday, one of the boys came up to me and asked if it was true that I was leaving on Friday. I said that it was. He looked upset and said that he had something for me and if he could see me on Friday. I said of course. I was a bit taken aback as I hadn't spent much time with this boy for a while - for no real reason, I just hadn't seen him for a while. Anyway, on Friday he came to see me just after I arrived, pressed a folded piece of paper into my hand and then said "I have to go, I'm playing football", and he left. Well guys, this was the most gorgeous, lovely note I've ever had in my life, with a necklace of string with a few beads and a shell, which I'm wearing now. I was just flabbergasted. I'm not even sure what I did or said to deserve this. If I hadn't had 20 kids around me demanding crayons and paper I would have just sat down and cried - especially after the morning at school. It sounds as if I'm turning into an emotional wreck - I'm not, but it is hard to convey what an emotional experience this has been. Or maybe not - maybe its bloody obvious to you all, who know me well.

Saying goodbye at the orphanage on Friday was some far degree of awful and a couple of the kids cried. I have to come back here before I come home.

After all that, and not forgetting other volunteers are having a similar time, some steam was let off last night. We had a fantastic meal out at a local bar, there was lots of dancing and drinking, and we ended up at 1am skinny dipping in the pool back at the house. No, there are definitely no photos of that. We were all woken up by one guy who wakes up at 5am every day (force of habit) asking everyone if we wanted tea or coffee in bed. One lady owns a restaurant and she made an omelette type concoction which helped the heads.

After finishing this I'm off to buy a new mobile phone, some supplies for the trip and to see P for ice cream one last time. I would like to have an early night tonight, but I've been told that's not allowed. Oh well, I can sleep on the journey tomorrow.

So this is farewell from Livingstone. I probably won't be able to do another entry for a couple of weeks or so, so I hope you can live without an update for a week or two. I'll make sure I keep my journal up to date and then write it up when I can. The internet is going to be much slower in Zim so there may be no photos for a while either. Oh, and Dinah - I'll text you the date for Cape Town when I get home.

Lots and lots and lots of love. Bye.

26.02.07 Last Week in Livingstone

It feels so strange to type that. I can't believe that I have been here 2 months already, but at the same time, I can't believe I've been here only 2 months. Whoever came up with the idea that time is a fixed measurable concept is talking nonsense. It is an elusive, elastic thing that seems to stretch and compress itself at the same time. But I have my flight booked from Vic Falls airport to Bulawayo (I have been persuaded that the train is simply not safe) on Saturday afternoon. I stay the night in Bulawayo and then get the bus to Gweru, from where I'll be picked up and taken to Antelope Park.

The photos are of me with a girl called Lisa who lives in Linda, the suburb township where the orphanage is based. Lots of children from the community come to the orphanage in the afternoon for reading and playing. Lisa is very quiet but likes to do me lots of drawings. The other photo is a million miles away - high tea at the Royal Livingstone Hotel with Debs, Joyce and Anne. I'll try to put some more photos on here before I go.

I don't want to focus on leaving here just yet, although it is looming large in my mind, and it sort of brings back the pain of leaving the UK at the beginning of January. I feel like I'm leaving friends and somewhere I feel very comfortable. When I was thinking about what order to do the projects I thought that this would be the hardest to leave, which is why I put the incentive of riding and playing with lion cubs after it.

Anyway, enough of that for the moment. The rest of last week was thankfully a bit calmer than Tuesday. I got over the hangover eventually, only in time for another big night on Thursday. I had only 3 hours sleep and then was back in class at 7am. Miss M felt unwell and said she was getting malaria so she went home at 7.15 and left my then current hangover and I to deal with the class. I have to confess I ran out of steam at 11am and sent them home an hour early. As expected, Miss M turned up for work fine this morning, except she had two "meetings" to go to. I found out this morning that her house is only 5 minutes walk away. Work that one out.

On Thursday I had 20 minutes to spare between lessons so I got them to think about the similarities and differences between me as a mzungu (white person) and themselves. We spent ages on the similarities, but after they'd done the white skin bit they struggled to think of differences. There were little pennies dropping everywhere, it was great. One wee boy, Gift - the class joker - said that one difference is that he is 11 years old and I am 40. So I said to him that I used to be 11 years old and one day he would be 40. "Not me Teacher," he said "I already have HIV." I have no response to that except a huge sadness that sinks in and sits there.

Thursday night was good fun. We had dinner at home (one of the best so far) and then went to a couple of bars and ended up in one of Livingstone's nicer clubs, dancing till 3am. I like the African dance style - all swaying and hip movements. On Friday a few of us went to a touristy restaurant that has a show of local dance and music. Of course it ended up being me that was pulled from the audience to get up there and shimmy in front of 150 people - locals and tourists. I'm quite pleased there are no photos that came out but my friends say that I held my own reasonably well.

I didn't manage to blog on Saturday as promised as I brought one of the orphan boys to the internet cafe and was teaching him how to use email. It took a while so I concentrated on that and sent a few emails while I was waiting. Most of the PCs were being temperamental as they have had new software installed, so I was sat using the computer at the front desk for a few hours and it was nice to watch the comings and goings. This boy - P - is a real sweetie, 17 years old, very quiet, has had a pretty awful time, which he won't talk about except to say it was rough, and is struggling to finish school. The committe that run the orphanage were give money to pay his school fees for this year, but that money has disappeared, so HH, I am going to use the money you gave me for the hamster cage to pay P's school fees. I'm going to be back in Livingstone in August so I'll pay the fees for the whole of next year when I'm back as I'm determined he should finish school. Joyce and I are supporting him together. He tells me it is impossible to get time to study in peace at the orphanage so he sets his alarm for midnight or 1am and gets up to work when the other boys are asleep. When they get up to go to school he then goes to sleep as he goes to school in the afternoon (it works in shifts everywhere). Its a tough existence but he does this with one of the other orphan boys so at least he is not on his own. He's not looking forward to me leaving as it is only a week after Joyce went, but we've got him a mobile phone so that we can all keep in touch (if I can get any reception in Zim, which I'm told is intemittent).

P wants to be a doctor or a nurse. Joyce and I are going to make this happen, so at some point we'll have to think of something to do for fundraising but in the meantime we want to get him through school.

I'm pleased to report that Chuma was back at school on Friday and being sufficiently mischeivous that I had to make her come and sit at my desk with me. The kids hate this - its another great, violence free punishment. I can't even think about saying goodbye to the kids, but I have decided that its not goodbye anyway, just a temporary farewell as unless something intervenes in the interim, I will come back to Livingstone in September. Miss M was on the rampage with the hosepipe again this morning, this time in an RE class. They were talking about the 10 commandments. Surely there must be one that says 'thou shalt not brutalise little children'? It is just my/our sensitivity though - the kids accept it and laugh at the others who are getting hit. One of the other volunteers told me about a Radio 4 programme she heard just before coming out here. There is a mens' group that is speaking out against domestic violence but the other side of the story was a woman who said something to the effect of how will I know if my husband loves me if he doesn't hit me? Answers on a postcard please!

I had a fairly mellow day yesterday, walked down to Zig Zags - a guest house that does good breakfasts - and had brunch. I sat there for hours writing my journal, drinking hazelnut coffee. I needed a break away from all the other volunteers and also even just from the house. Today was back teaching as usual and then the afternoon at the orphanage where I did drawing and reading, and I even let the kids do some as well.

23.02.07 A Quickie

This is just a quickie as I have 10 minutes here before leaving to go and get one of my birthday presents - a massage at the Royal Livingstone, the same place as before. I just about managed to get over the hangover from Wednesday when we had another big night out last night, so I have taken the afternoon off projects. It is so hot and humid at the moment that it is hard to do anything anyway.

I was having a chat with one of the other volunteers this afternoon, and we wondered if it is possible really to describe life here. It sounds quite melodramatic, and especially things like Tuesday morning for me, but given the work that we do, it actually is quite dramatic sometimes. I hope you don't think I'm a drama queen about it all! And I do hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it.

I'm coming back tomorrow for a long sesh to answer emails, do a proper blog entry and upload some photos, so you'll have to hang on til then. Those of you who've asked to be added to the automatic circulation, I'll do that tomorrow. If anyone else wants this, please let me know.

21.02.07 The F- Word

.... and so, life begins. Thank you so much to everyone who sent me birthday wishes. I feel quite emotional at the moment as its taken me absolutely ages to get through all the emails, and I'm touched that so many people remembered. Having said that, who was cruel enough to put something into Today in my absence? C'mon, the guilty party needs to own up in public.

It was of course a memorable day, and I knew there were sneaky plans afoot amongst my friends here, but it was not a good start. Let me tell you a story....

The day started as normal except that I got 2 grunts from my 2 roomies when I got up, instead of the usual one. The combi arrived to take me to school and I got there just before 7am. In true Zambia style, the kids that are not installed in their classrooms at 7am are hit with a piece of rubber hose pipe. As we drove into the school grounds - a sandy area with a circle of grass in the middle around which assemblies are held - I saw Tuesday morning's beater attack a group of girls on their way in. I went into my classroom which is the nearest one to where we are dropped off and suddenly one of the boys yelled "Teacher Teacher. Chuma!" Chuma is the name of the girl I have (I think) mentioned before that Miss M doesn't beat because she faints.

I ran outside back into the yard. Chuma was lying on the ground. I couldn't see what state she was in as there were loads of kids around and a few teachers doing sod all but standing there waving their hose pipes. This is, I suppose, where being a mzungu can carry you through. I yelled at the kids and teachers to get out of the way and got to her. It was starting to pour so I told them to get umbrellas. Chuma had not fainted. She had gone into what I can only describe as a sort of catatonic state of shock. Her eyes were open, she was totally non responsive, her pulse was racing and she was about to swallow her tongue. I'm not so good with all this stuff, but something kicks in - maybe all the practice for the first aid badge at brownies, maybe the experience Nicki and I had when we saved the girl on the Meadows - but I got her into the recovery position and secured her breathing. At some point, and I don't really remember when, I yelled to the Nazi beater that this is what happens when you beat children. One of the other teachers suggested we leave her to recover and go and pray. Apparently this had happened before and it could take an hour for her to recover. My response, calmer this time, was that she needed more practical assistance. I phoned for the combi to come back and take her to hospital, which, to cut a long story short, was where I spent the rest of the morning. She started coming round after about 30 minutes and could talk a bit after a further hour. After a further hour she was much better and in the absence of any obvious illness she was discharged with malaria pills (she'd been having chills recently), paracetamol - which is the cure for all ills here, and an instruction to drink sweet drinks for the rest of the day.

Interestingly both the headmaster and deputy head turned up at the hospital to see her. She hadn't a clue who they were, which was mildly amusing in the circumstances. They told me that when I take her home I should stop by the school to get a teacher to come to speak to her parents to translate. I was to tell the parents that she had collapsed after being threatened with being beaten. "She was beaten" I said. "I saw it." "But tell her parents she was only threatened." I shrugged. I made the headmaster come in to see the doctor so that the doctor could tell him what first aid to do if and when this happens again. I also told him that he needs to compile a list of particularly vulnerable children and make sure that all teachers know they should not be hit. I stopped short of the full debate. In some respects I wonder if that was wrong, but I was quite stressed and emotional and may not have been as calm about it as I would need to be. It was not the right place or time. Or maybe it was. Anyway, I persuaded them to leave the hospital as it was more important that they go back to do their work at school.

The combi came to get me at the hospital with one of our Zambian drivers, David. Again, I think I've mentioned him before. He's high up in the hierarchy of the tribe in the area, and one day will be chief. He knows everyone and everything. He knows the language that Chuma speaks - Lozi - and so when I took her home he translated for me and her parents. Apparently this problem started 2 years ago and occurs, as I guessed, when she is put under stress. They have tried all known traditional medicine remedies (oh, I dread to think) and not had success with other doctors. I honestly don't think they have actually tried anything as she was not previously registered at the hospital, which is where the only doctors here are. So I left her with 2 cans of Fanta, 2 muffins from Wonderbake, and all the neighbours kids coming round to see the mzungu teacher.

David took me back to school. I didn't think there was anything else I could do, and I feel a bit helpless now. The head and deputy pounced on me when I got back and asked me what I told the parents. In true Zambia style I shrugged again and said we just discussed Chuma's health. When I walked back to my class room several of the teachers came up to me and said "it wasn't me who hit her, I would never do that." I didn't say much but when I got into the classroom I sat Miss M down and told her in no uncertain terms was she ever to leave the girl in that state and not take her to a clinic (there is one about 200m away) or the hospital. I don't really know if this is right, but it looks quite dangerous to me, so I egged it up a bit to scare her.

I know I'm being hard on the teachers. They are not all uncaring monsters. They are relatively uneducated and a product of their own system and environment but to leave a child like that and go and pray (I'm shouting here). What a load of b******s. How I managed to stay calm I don't know - you do what you have to do I guess.

By that time it was 11am. I pretty much shooed Miss M out of her English class into a corner to do marking, and started an Art class. They love Art so much, they get so excited when they see me come in with my bag of crayons and paper. At this point, I confessed it was my birthday, so they sang happy birthday, and then I had to confess the number. Ah, it was brutal! To these kids, 40 is ancient, but I was told yesterday, by a prostitute in a bar (I'm getting there) that it is a matter of real celebration to get to 40 as so many people here die in their 20s. I know that, and truly, that's how I feel.

Anyway, yesterday's art class produced about 50 birthday cards from my little darlings - it was what they wanted to do. I treasure them. After school they were being punished for speaking "vanacula" (vernacular - usually their own language) by being made to cut the grass on the football field (very handy as there are no lawn mowers) so we walked out into the field and they started to sing for me. They sang local songs and some English hymns. Some of the kids objected as the others were singing in a language they didn't understand. What you need to understand is that these kids are not stupid. They are not backward at all. What it is, is that they are being educated in sometimes their 3rd or 4th language. Imagine, those of you who learn a few phrases of Spanish or Italian before the annual jaunt, if that was the language you had to do business in. It is like that. I have learned bits of the 4 local languages here - Nyanga, Bemba, Lozi and Tonga, but I get them mixed up quite a lot which causes much amusement.

It was a mixed morning. Awful and lovely. I needed to walk, so despite the scorching heat again, and a heavy bag of art stuff, I decided to walk home. It is about 3 miles but I felt that I needed the time. As I was walking for about 15 minutes I heard 2 guys say the m- word as they came up behind me so I just turned around and said "yes I am a mzungu!" We got talking and they showed me a short cut home which cut it down to 2 miles, which was a bonus. They offered to carry my bag as well, but hey - principles are princples!

I got back to the house at about 1ish, tired, grubby and sweaty. And very hungry. I was told that I wasn't doing afternoon projects, that I should go and have a shower and scrub up a bit, and be ready to leave at 2.30. I did as I was told (it sometimes happens) and Angus, one of our favourite local taxi drivers, turned up at 2.45 (its Africa). Joyce, Anne and Debs took me for high tea at the Royal Livingstone hotel. This involves nibbling crust free smoked salmon and cucumber sandwiches, drinking filter coffee in my case, ceylon tea for the others, and then diving into the enormous, and I mean really enormous, trolley of sweets and pastries. There must have been about 30 things to choose from. Unfortunately after 2 months of rice and veg, my eyes are way bigger than my stomach, and I only managed 3 plate loads. A monkey came and grabbed Joyce's quiche, and some sugar. Oh, and did I mention the cocktails? I had a Pimms to start with, and then I got champagne cocktails for us all.

Just to make an interesting backdrop there was a huge storm over the river in front of us with really dramatic forks of lighting.

After that we got a taxi back to Rhapsody's, the place where we come for happy hour cocktails on Wednesdays and Fridays. The manageress, Sonya, brought me a monster cocktail called Rhapsody Blue. I don't know if it was deliberate, but we'd been having a discussion a few weeks ago, and I'd said I thought it was unnatural to eat and drink blue things (no, bluberries are purple). Anyway, I made everyone else taste this as well, as it was huge. It starts to get a wee bit blurry after we played a game of "Shots and Ladders" which involved blue sambuca. More blue - its not right! Anyway, I'm sure they fixed it as I seemed to land on every square which involved drinking, and whenever they could nominate a friend for a shot, it was me. That was all I drank (a lot!) until much later, about 11pm I think, when another blue monstrosity of a cocktail turned up. I will be sweating blue soon. I used my usual tactic of sharing it around, which seemed to work fine.

We then went into town to a bar where there are mostly locals, loads of prostitutes, and a few non local whites. We stayed there for a couple of hours, danced a bit, drank a bit more - water in my case - and I ended up talking for ages in French with a prostitute called Gladys. It was her friend Christine who said I should celebrate being 40. It was a sad sight to see these beautiful young girls (the Zambians are an unfairly good looking people) put themselves through this. Well, I didn't see it, I only glimpsed a snapshot on the surface. It was enough for me.

We got home at 3am. I did not make it into school today! I emerged at about 8am, sat on the verandah in my PJs for a while, someone put a coffee into my hand (would you believe I probably only have 2 or 3 a week now!) and I let the world come slowly back into focus. And here I am.

So, yes, I can say it. "Forty, Forty, Forty!" Its a bloody big number, but it is just a number, and in the context of life here, not something to complain about at all. And hey, I'm 40, this year I've made a dream come true, and even in the 2 months that I've been away, I've seen, done, thought and experienced things that I'll never forget or regret. And I'm never going to forget this birthday!

I've missed you all especially this week, and it really has been truly lovely to get all your messages. Thank you again. I will respond individually, but maybe not until the weekend. And I'll put a couple of pictures from yesterday on here as well.

Keep in touch.

10.02.07 A Productive Week

Hello all. I'm very excited, as I have loads of emails - lots of news from home. Thank you. I'll probably do replies next week but I thought I'd blog today. Then again, its not sunny at the moment, so I may just stay here. It costs about GBP1 per hour so, its an affordable luxury.

This week has been fantastic. I suppose this is Newsflash #2 of the week - I can teach, and I love it!

I get to school just before 7 in the morning. Class starts at 7. Miss M - no George, it is not me! - turned up on Weds morning and announced out of the blue she would be leaving at 8 hours (the local alternative to "o'clock") and wouldn't be back. She kindly left me her lesson prep for English, Maths and Science and disappeared at 7.45. I did have a few minutes of "oh gawd, what am I doing?" but then, in true Mendelsohn style, just got on with it. I LOVED IT!!! The kids were great, they all seem to understand my accent as long as I speak reasonably slowly - which I do anyway (people here finish my sentences too, its soooo annoying) - and it was such a productive morning. When they do exercises normally, Miss M writes them on the board and then goes out of the room. I walk round the classroom, checking what the kids are doing and making sure they answer the questions. A good half of the class only managed to copy the questions, and didn't understand what they are supposed to do. Well, they know now.

On Thursday, Miss M came over to me as class started at 7 and said she was leaving for the whole day as she had to go on a training course. Bye. Again, at least she left me with her workbooks, and away I went. I had the whole class to myself for 5 hours, and again, it was fabulous. I was doing long multiplication with them, and at first I forgot how to do it, but it soon came back. When I marked their work, I did check my answers were the same as Stephen's (the brightest kid), which fortunately they were. All of the Grade 6 teachers were on the same course, and one of the other volunteers was struggling a little with her class, so after break I went in and stamped my authority - well, shouted quite loudly at them for a good few minutes. That was on Thursday and they were quiet as mice for the rest of the morning and all Friday. Hee hee - I'm so mean!

By the time Friday morning came, I was ready to chuck Miss M out and get on with it myself, but we did quite a good double act. The only lesson I don't contribute to is the local language lesson, for obvious reasons, although they make me say some words and then laugh at my pronunciation. I made them learn to say my surname in revenge.

We did art again on Friday. This time I let them loose with the glitter. Most of them had not seen glitter before and some of the kids ended up covered in the stuff. I wonder what their parents thought when they went home. I have to say, to Miss M's credit, we absolutely trashed the classroom. It was covered in glue, paper, glitter, and mucky kids. The transport truck turned up early so I didn't have time to clear up before leaving. When I walked out the door I apologised to her and she just shrugged, and said it was OK, that was what art is about. We are warming to each other!! I think it helped that I bought her a set of pens on Wednesday to defrost her a bit. I was really disappointed that we can't stick the glitter covered animals on the walls as the church visitors (I don't understand what they have to do with it, but take it that they can interfere) will make us take them down. Another stunning coup for Christianity in Africa. Sorry.

I have also asked her if I can do a remedial reading group as there is about 1/4 of the class that can hardly read, which is a huge handicap to them in every lesson. While I was covering the kids and classroom in glitter and glue, she streamed the kids and now every Tuesday and Friday we are going to split the class, and I will take about 1/3 of them in a reading group. I'm teaching reading at the orphanage using phonics based materials, so I'm quite comfortable in doing it in the morning as well. It is a huge opportunity to really make a difference to these kids. I've also picked out a couple who can't really write and will keep them in for a few break times to practice writing.

Out of the 55 kids in my class, I have about 45 names programmed into my brain, and the rest are nearly there. There are some fantastic wee characters and as they are getting more used to me and my teaching style we are having fun. We practiced times tables the other day. Lots of the boys don't answer the questions so I took in a tennis ball, and threw it at the person who answered the first question correctly. After someone had answered the next question, I asked the person with the ball if they thought it was right, and if they did to throw the ball to the child who had just answered. That made all the boys pay attention and want to take part. I also did a quiz - they wanted boys v girls. The boys won by a big margin, so even though the girls take part more and there are more of them there is a significant number who are not engaged or are so far behind that they might as well not be there.

Talking of breaks, I practically have to push some of the kids out of the door at break time. They are so keen they want to carry on working, but I make them go out and run around to get some fresh air. I also need a few minutes break and some air, but some of them are so dead set on carrying on working that they won't budge.

By the time Friday evening arrived I was totally exhausted. I love being with the kids, but it does take a lot of mental and physical energy. I'd spent Thursday and Friday afternoons at the orphanage doing the reading club. It rained on Friday and it is quite bizarre to be inside and be rained on - the roof leaks terribly. There were some visitors from the organisation that runs the local feeding programme out of the community school, which is attached to the orphanage. They give the food to families that have girls at the school to encourage the education of girls. Is it good?

Anyway, I'm going to chill this weekend - I need to, I wake up in the mornings doing lessons in my head! I've had a coffee at Wonderbake this morning - a local cafe/bakery, and we'll head off to the hotel to lie in the non-existent sun in half an hour or so. Tonight we are going to the only seafood restaurant in town. Amazingly, to me at least, it is possible to get fed up of veggies and rice. I buy tins of tuna as well, but haven't succumbed to eating mammals. There are 2 lapsed veggies in the group - it is hard not being in control of what you are eating.

That's all for now. Keep emailing.

06.02.07 Newsflash from Livingstone

The picture you need to imagine is this - I'm sitting in a spacious, modern looking internet cafe, looking out into the car park at Spar and across the road into the edge of the Mosi oi Tunya National Park. I'm not at my most fragrant as I've been farming this afternoon and wearing the same clothes as yesterday. We were muck spreading yesterday afternoon and today we dug the stuff into the ground. The photo is of Natalie and I standing in front of our neat rows of freshly turned over soil. We are quite proud of our work. The area will be used for growing green peppers which get a good price at the market. The money is used to finance the home-based care project, which the medical volunteers work on. The local women and the volunteers visit outlying villages and settlements for people who can't or won't attend the clinics. While we were there this afternoon one lady came over to try to get treatment for the sores on her legs, which are (I am told) a side effect of the ARVs she has to take. The money pays for drugs, bandages, transport to hospital if necessary (except see an earlier entry).

Anyway, the newsflash is that I'm back teaching at Dambwa Basic School and very happy about it. We've pulled out of the tourism college course for the moment as they were unable to sort out what to do with a volunteer (i.e. the supposed teacher kept on just leaving me to do all the teaching every day and could be found sitting in the bar next door chatting with his friends) and they also kept on asking for money, which is not what we are about. Maybe it will get going again in the future but for the moment it has been parked. I now teach in the same class with Miss M as I shall call her - the same teacher that I described before who whacks the kids with a 2 foot piece of rubber hose pipe. I've been back since last Thursday and I have noticed that the hose pipe comes out less often than it did. She hits the kids who are late and I was late on Monday so I felt like holding my hand out as I went into the classroom like the kids have to do, but I managed to check myself. The irony of the gesture would be lost, and I'd either get whacked or cause a cultural incident.

I've been doing some English, Maths and Science with the kids, luckily with the teacher leading, and I do extra reading and support work, and lots and lots of marking. Today was fantastic fun - I did an art class on my own. Last night I roped in loads of the other volunteers and we cut out animal shapes - elephants, lions, hippos, crocs and leopards - and I took in the shapes and loads of crayons and pencils. My aim was to get the kids to use their imagination, but I first had to explain what imagination was. We talked about colours, firstly the real colours of the animals, and then I showed them some shapes I had coloured in last night. The got the idea quite quickly and I now have a collection of psychadelic lions etc, which are going to be stuck on the walls of the classroom. Next week I'm going to do butterflies and make mobiles to hang from the rafters. Aah - I have said for years I wanted to be a primary school teacher so I could play with sand and crayons! Hopefully you can see some of the results from the photos, but take it from me that they are wildly colourful and some are very clever and original designs. It was so good to see them tackle a blank piece of paper and think of what to do.

Yesterday we had to count how many of the class are orphans. The information is required for the World Food Programme, as vulnerable children get food to take home with them. The food they were given at school has now run out. Miss M said she was pleased at this as it disrupted her class. Anyway, she yelled out for those who are orphans to put their hands up. Only a few did, so she yelled at them again. A few more hands went up. "Leonard", she yelled, "are you not an orphan?" Leonard looks down and says nothing. "Do you not know what an orphan is? Prinella, (the brightest girl in the class) explain to Leonard what an orphan is!" Prinella complies (she is also an orphan) and Leonard and a few others put their hands up. Maybe it is just matter of fact here, rather than Miss M's wonderful personality shining through, but I did feel so sorry for the poor wee things. Anyway, it was over a third of the class. How awful is that.

I was at the orphanage a lot last week and the reading club is going really well. It is more for the community children than the orphans as the orphans are teenage boys, and are too cool to hang out with us. I think it is the only individual attention many of the children ever get, and it has been so rewarding seeing the progress we can make even in a few days. I have used the money I was given by a very kind person (who will get a separate email) to buy a whole load of new books and some pads and pens for the kids to take home and practice their writing. They devour the new books like manna and their enthusiasm to learn is almost overwhelming. So thank you SG. Your donation has brought smiles to lots of little faces, and maybe just maybe we are planting the seeds for these kids to carry on learning.

I know I shouldn't, but I have 2 favourites - boys called Mark and Joshua. Josh is the one sitting on my lap while I'm reading with Grace and Shelley, who are both quite good compared to others but are still reading Grade 2 level books (they are in Grade 6 and 7). Josh and Mark are both quite quiet boys, or rather they used to be, but their confidence is picking up day by day. They have a really sweet gesture they do - it starts like a handshake, and then goes into an elaborate series of moves - finger clinches, thumb twirls and shakes and then ends with the boys kissing the back of their hand while they are still holding mine. I suspect its partly cultural, partly AIDs driven, but it is the sweetest thing, and when wee Mark (he's 10) did it for the first time last week I had to fight back the tears. Although I love the farming, I can't wait to get back to the orphanage, and its frustrating being away.

I can't believe it is my 5th week here. A few people who started at the same time as me left last week, and I know that I'm only just getting into it. I don't know whether to extend here for another month or to extend work at the lion project for a month. I will need to make up my mind soon-ish. I always knew that it would be so hard leaving the kids, but I think when the time comes it will be heartbreaking. Anyway, as I said before I left, I need to live each day one day at time and not ponder about the future. Easier said than done!!

Anyway, keep the emails and news coming. It is good to hear what is going on and to keep in touch.

New Faster Internet Cafe

Here is the photo from the marquee where I had the massage and the other one is Joyce and I last night. I look pretty terrible but as it takes so long to upload, I'll click the publish button anyway.

29.01.07 The 48 hour tourist

Life in Livingstone is mixed. The weeks are hard, and dealing with poverty, illness, entrenched cultural issues and inadequate facilities is quite tough so at the weekends the volunteers take time out, do some of the activities (bungee jumping is not for me - you know that!) and generally try to chill.

On Saturday I decided to have a massage at the Royal Livingstone hotel - partly as my back has been a bit stiff (I'm fine) and also as a wee treat. The Royal Livingstone is something else, and by far the nicest hotel here. After I checked in at the salon reception, my massuese, Bridget, walked me through the gardens away from the centre of the hotel. We walked about 100m; in the gardens there were vervet monkeys - silver coloured with bright blue testicles, and babboons, with zebras grazing around the edge. We came to a white small marquee type tent and walked around the outside to the edge of the river. The tent had 3 sides, and a view over the Zambezi and the edge of Mosi oi Tunya. I had to take a photo, mostly so I could take the time to stop and look. I've tried about a dozen times to upload it onto the blog but you'll just have to use your imagination as its not working. I think it is a view I will never have enough of.

The massage was good - you know how sometimes you worry that you are just going to be uselessly stroked, but it wasn't like that at all. As I was lying there, I could hear thunder grumbling away in the background. After a few minutes there was a huge cracking explosion of a thunder clap right over our heads and the rain came down fast and hard. I so love that smell of wet red earth, and I thought how perfect it would be if a hippo or 2 could magically appear, just to complete the story. I swear almost the instant I had the thought I heard a hippo grunt. I lay there and smiled - it seemed too good to be true, although I think Bridget was wondering what I was smiling at! After the massage ended I sat for a moment or 2 just looking out at the river and the falls but I couldn't see the hippos. I wondered if when I blogged this (I am reliably advised by Martin that it is usable as a verb) I should just pretend that I actually saw the hippos to make a better story, but as I was about to head back and find my friends I saw them rise out of the water and do a classic hippo yawn. I could only stand and watch and try to take it all in, so no photo. Yet another surreal Africa moment, but very different from the others.

The rest of the weekend was quite quiet. At the new house we have a pool, so we chilled there during the day and went for drinks in the evening. So far this week I've been back at the college in the morning and reading at the orphanage in the afternoon. I really like the students at the college, but the so called course leader has done diddly squat work-wise since I've been there, so I've had to tell him yet again I'm not here as his teacher but unqualified assistant. It falls on deaf ears and today he asked me again for money. It turns out that most of the students are not former prostitutes but fee paying individuals with only one or 2 from difficult circumstances who don't pay. Now that the community thinks there is a mzungu teacher there are more students, so they are making more money, but still refuse to buy any course materials or do any work. At the end of the week I'm going to assess with our project co-ordinator whether I should stay there or go back to work at one of the schools and I suspect it will be the latter. The students clearly have figured something is up as today several of them asked me for my contact details. It is, I suppose, not an unusual African experience - things are not what they seem and I'm sure the person who initially got the volunteers involved in this project will be as frustrated as the rest of us when he finds out what's going on.

As well as the project, I also enjoy my daily chats as I wait to be picked up outside Maramba clinic where some of the other volunteers work. There are 2 local guys - Brave and Norman - who also volunteer at the clinic, who usually stop by when they know we are there waiting for the truck to pick us up. Norman is great - he gives me a running commentary on all the people passing by - this one is a shebeen queen and a prostitute, that man hurt himself falling over after drinking too much "illicity" (Norman's word for the illegal brew they make in the villages that is 95% proof), another man is taking firewood up to the shebeen as its used for the illegal brewing. The government and local authorities turn a blind eye to all of this as they don't want to lose the votes of the villagers, but it seems to be a major social problem.

But some things never change - I'm now off to Spar to get some cat food.